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the i m p e r f e c t drug

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i had no idea people still wrote in this. [29 May 2007|10:22am]

haven't been on here in forever. i actually thought this site was over. little did i know, apparently. 



things have been absolutly amazing. i have a boyfriend of 7 1/2 months who i love with all of my heart & i could not imagine not being with him. he makes everything so much better.. && he undertsands me. finally someone understands me & accepts me for me.. not trying to change me! i have a new BIG GIRL job! GO ME GO ME!! I am working in a law office named Law Offices, ironic. ha. actaully making real steady money rather than waitressing.. && the money always being a hit or miss.  

this weekend was great. 1st weekend in about 6 or 7 months that i had off the WHOLE weekend. spent all my time with my baby. havent done that since we first started dating. it felt so good. especially with the long weekend .. got an extra day with him. <3

BeNd OvEr

fucked up. true. [21 Dec 2005|07:52am]
yeah so i am def. a little fucked up. Holla.

so from Applebees w/ food and Long Island IT's to going to put music on my 8 yr old neices' Ipod then going to the Metropolitan for about 6-8 hours and drinking more. Yeah i'm just a bit. and typing is real hard for me to do on my cousins computer. maybe cause its all dark and i cant see, then i try to type w/o my glasses thinking that'll be a little better. NO i lied. definatly did not help at all. BLAH! fuck the bullshit and i'm drunkkkkkkkkkkkk as hell. and i have definatly not updated this shit in so fucking long.



my fuckin neck hurts. a lot. like i def. need a massage .. like WHOA!!! i feel like sleeping, in which i probably am going to do. about to go home in a little and call it a night. yeah boy. a tuesday night and i'm all fucked up like this. whoa. and i can still type ... whats good breh!
2 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

REAGGETON rox my sox. [04 Nov 2005|12:48pm]
so .. every morning .. when i wake up.
i go to the stereo and turn it on.
and like always .. i have it blasting on La Kalle* (105.9) from the morning before.
what a great way to fully wake up.
then i start dancing in the kitchen to it.
because there's a old old school hutch thingy in my dining room and it has glass, so i can see my reflection.
i'm retarded.


so .. i make money at my job but apparently not as much as i need. cuase i am really like fucked right now. so i am getting a 2nd job. which means the days that i have free, oh soo very few days, will now be like every other day -- working. hey, whatever i gotta do to make more money. phone. rent. cable. Hoffy. // blah.
i need a job where i can just make like $500 a week.
anyone know where i can find that?!


and on another note, i am thinking of possibly most likely moving to PA. i seriously have such a huge dislike for jersey. More now than ever. And I just really don't like most of the people. Which i know people are people and you find all the same kind anywhere you go. But, I liked PA better and I think i'd be better out there for a few years. Then move down south. .. yeah so lets make this happen. =P


work .. tonight. ugh.
worked wed 4-2
thurs.9:30am - 10 last night
fri 4 - close probably.
1 SpAnK| BeNd OvEr

[28 Oct 2005|01:07am]
When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in,
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed,
And we were dreaming,

There are moments when,
When I know it ends,
The world revolves around us,
And were keeping it,
Keeping it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would...

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
Were glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would....

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.








I'm tired.
Cynical and broken, but wiser.
Heavy with a sense of resentment,
but i used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith
when I started.
You knew that I always meant it.
I knew I could make a difference,
I struggled to be heard
and then finally, one day people started listening.
and I knew it
but as soon as it began it was ruined.
A slow descent from unique to routine,
over and over,
"just do it again and this time with feeling".
The spotlight.
The focus on the friends and the feelings.
That made those stupid songs all worth singing.
And don't you say a word
unless you're pretty sure that you want it analyzed.
So we drove
for what seemed like days
over roads
and four lane highways.
We said all we had to say
and I realized in time that it didn't mean anything.
Never,
not ever again.
Not like that.
"It's only a matter of time".
BeNd OvEr

[12 Oct 2005|05:22pm]
tomorrow is my birthday.
20!
@ 10:23am. gah.
i'll be working. 10-3ish?
yay. go Chevy's.
2 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[13 Sep 2005|01:02pm]
i made an egg omelete with chedder cheese and burned part of the tip of my finger. fuckkk.


i am souped...... my bday is in 1 month. =P



i wanna go clubbin.
and get drunk.
and then sleep for 4 days.
yeah that sounds good right now. sleep.


work at 3 until 1 am.
whats good.




so how is everyone?
what is everyone doing?
2 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[01 Sep 2005|11:27pm]
no work on Monday.
so Labor day i am getting FUCKED up.
yeah boy.
it's gonna be rockin.
can't wait!


Mistic Wild Cherry Sparkling is pretty good.
not too much carbonation.
nothing like Diet Pepsi but it'll do.


i just did my eyebrows.
well, touched them up.
and i got madd excited.
Rutgers parties, real real soon.
like now.


ahhhhhh.
Costume Party tomorrow but I already have plans!
god dammit.
either or is a party.
the people who i'm chillin with tomorrow are the ones i'm chillin with on Sunday.
and the Costume Party are people I don't hang out with much anymore.
Fuck.
I'll decide.



If I go to the Costume Party tomorrow, what should I be?
BeNd OvEr

[19 Aug 2005|09:20am]
so i got the job.
and i start training MOnday night.
chyea.
pretty soon i will not be working with any type of food restaurant. <3


and i got a new cell number. 848 459 0117
save it. call it. text it. if i like you <3
BeNd OvEr

[16 Aug 2005|07:41pm]
okay okay .. wish me luck
tonight i have an interview for being a barmaid.
and i am sure i'll get the job.
PLUS they train you. <3

so wish me luck!
2 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[15 Aug 2005|01:02am]
i went to club Exit last night.
wow .. talk about so much fun.
VIP was the shit.
sucked though, like no hot girls there.
or guys for that matter too.
great times.
i saw 5 chics fuck this guy up. =X
had some chic dance on me. damn could she move.
one of our boys got kicked out .. was bullshit.
we were about to pop a bottle with these guys/girls and the bouncers fucked it up. boo.
music that was played was real good.
dancing on tables. on the ground. on couches. is whats good.
2 girls with a huge crowd around us. true!!! Mari and me killed it.
Chino.Eric.Nando.Phil.Marco.Pedro.Kelvin.Porn.Mari.Blanqui. <3


sooooooooooo..... the strip club the other day was fun.
Red Bone ( one of the dancers ) .. i wanted to take her home.
omgahhhhhhhh.. talk about a gorgeous Puerto Rican chic. wow.
was gonna chill with her tonight too but nah.



today was Carissa's birthday bbq at her house.
i was supposed to go but had no ride. =/
that sucked, a lot.
so after i came home today i just layed around for an hour then slept for a few hours.
my momma cooked up a storm .. so yummie.


so i decided what i want for my birthday : a boyfriend.
nice.
good personality.
humorous.
caring.
can be himself.
cutie.
a good boy.
doesn't play mind games.

uhm yah.
2 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[27 Jul 2005|09:38am]
so i went and got my nipples pierced.
and the piercing really didn't hurt.
the after part hurt. like last night they were sore as hell.
and today they're really not.
nice.
can't wait till i can change them to barbels. hot.
4 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[20 Jul 2005|07:39am]
why are there no females who get my attention?
gah.







don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
don't ya wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
don't ya?!
1 SpAnK| BeNd OvEr

hot damn hoe here we go again .. [19 Jul 2005|07:37am]
woo. after today i will not be working like 60 hours a week at one place.

i mean that is fuckin awesome. money is not gnna be as much but i can always find a 2nd job. bartending somewhere to make an extra like few hundred a week. not to shabby.


wow. i'm really excited.
and today i officially officially sign up and register for school. finally.



well, have to finish getting ready for work.
buh bye.
1 SpAnK| BeNd OvEr

[18 Jul 2005|07:37am]
gah .. i am so happy.

so so happy.

i thought my vacation out of new jersey this year was a no go. alex's grandma passed away and his uncle has 1 month left. so i wasn't gonna go to w.v when all of this was going on. that's like family time. sooooooo.. i am going to Boston instead. i am so souped. i'm just going for 4 days but gah .. yes! anything to be out of jersey. woot!!!!!!



but the downfall to today is .. i got my period. ugh .. hate it hate it hate it.
BeNd OvEr

[17 Jul 2005|03:50pm]
omgah. i am soo hungry.


bout to go make some dinner. mmm.


chris broke his arm. a plate + 6 screws = ouch.
hey, no work for 6-8 weeks.
hope he feels better.
BeNd OvEr

[13 Jul 2005|07:54pm]
so myspace.. everyone seems to have it.

:the scene: everyone seems to be getting into it. ack

x.x.x everyone has something to say about it.

awesome. or not.



there are no good hardcore shows to go to.
they all suck now. like 1 good band all the rest SUCK.
no good local bands.
so brnt.


the beach on Sunday.
i'm so pale.
but i <3 it.
i don't want to be all tan like all the others.



my cell phone has dope options for taking pics.
night mode. portrait style. and regular.
takes good ass pics. yeah, i <3 it, too.


so Pat finally finally comes back next Tuesday.
then after that .. the following week i am taking 2 days off and just getting a hotel room and chillin out. having a maid clean for me. no work. no standing on my feet for like 4-5 hrs at a time then a 30 min lunch then 4-5 hrs of standing. yes. and.. the BEACH .. alcohol .. smoking .. relaxing!


i really need to get a camera to take new pics.

and that reminds me that i need to make my hair appointment, soon.
cut.dye.color.highlight. ?? possibly.
and time to cut my nails off.
let them grow back.
they're seriously so long. and all real. muy bueno Ryane.


so, i started leanring some Spanish at work.
since i get a lot of non-English speaking customers.
and i am learning Greek.
good shit. =P



went to Seaside last night.
got there at like 11:30. OMGah!
walked around, bugged the fuck out, and really just relaxed.
hung out with the girls.
it was dope.
i choked + slapped some rich kid.
he is a dick, biggest asshole i've ever met, and thought he was the shit cause his mommy and daddy had madd cash flow. $$ .. oh well.
i will admit though, nice house.
but other than his parents house, he has nothing going for him.



so, today my boobs look bigger than normal.
i don't know what's going on.
maybe they're growing bigger.
i'll see. hope not. bigger is not better. for me.



okay, well. bye.
7 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[08 Jul 2005|07:27am]
Summer
i have no such thing called a summer.

guys are perverted and nasty.
and most only want some ass which they will not recieve.
well, maybe from some chick who's nasty n don't give a fuck.


work.. is work.
long, exhausting, and very time consuming.


i am however excited because i found out that i can still give my UCC application in. my mom is gonna send the info now. i am EXCITED.
gonna start school in September. and get my Associates in Criminal Justice.

Pat comes back from Greece on the 19th of this month. Which is 11 days away. Then I will cut back on some of my hours. And have a few days off, if i choose to take them. I am not sure yet only because I am going to West Virginia next month. Just not sure if i will be a: Flying b: Amtrak or c: GreyHound .. need to decide ASAP.


i just cannot wait to be out of Jersey for a week. GAH! so very very nice. =P


well, gotta go brush my teeth and get my train. blah.
2 SpAnKs| BeNd OvEr

[01 Jul 2005|07:21am]
[ mood | Groggy/Awake/Tired ]

So today is the 1st day of July.
which means that summer .. well, i have no summer really.
but summer has definately started.
weather is so good.
can't wear flip-flops and shorts like i want to.. but i'll deal with that.
speaking of, i need to get to old navy to pick up some flip-flops.
i <3 theirs. they are so comfy.


4th of July in 3 days.
what's everyone doing?
i have no work. thank goodness.
so i'm off Sunday and Monday.
which means that i have Saturday night, Sunday day/night, and Monday to chill, get fucked up, sleep, relax.. so nice.


my bosses wife, Pat, finally and definately comes back July 19th.
which is awesome.
means i will be able to take some days off.
and today or in this upcoming week i will find out how many days i will have off in August.
cause 1. i gotta plan it around my neices bday. 2. can't be in the 1st week of the month, Alex won't be there.
i'm just excited to get out of jersey and for more than a few hours.


chris leaves me on thursday. he's going to Texas.
for 2 weeks.
so i have like 3-4 days to chill before he goes.


jackie got her car now.
and ever since i can't find her.
i am wondering if we're going to the beach on sunday.
i hope so. still haven't been to the beach yet.
but i do want to get these 2 bathing suits i saw.

1. black and white brazilian cut. <3
2. yellow/blue/white stripped booty shorts n cute top.

and when i go to old navy i am almost sure i will like a bathing suit there.




i need to sign up for the Police Exam in NY again.
and not lose/get my paper stolen this time.
and try some places in Jersey.
i want to try for : Elizabeth - Camden - Jersey City - Hoboken - Newark

yeah all the bad ass places. but i need to find out if you have to live in that town. because elizabeth i know you have to. even to take the Civil Service test. hrmph..


allright well. time to go get ready for work.
then work for 9 1/2 - 10 hours.
hopefully it's not slow today.
cause the last 2 days have made me want to just pull all of my hair out.
gah!

bye. <3

BeNd OvEr

[30 Jun 2005|06:48pm]
i want ice cream.

grrr


i can go see folly tonight but am not. =/
it would be soo good.
<3333
and for $10 .. oh man.


bye<3
BeNd OvEr

[27 Jun 2005|09:28pm]
i hate rain.
especially when the rain drops get on my glasses and i have to whip them off a million times.
but sometimes it's fun to play in the rain.


so today i like almost died at work.
i threw up.
got very faint.
light-headed.
couldn't keep water down.
could barely stand up for long.
gah.
i have no idea wtf happened to me.
so i came home early and slept.
and i feel sooo much better.


the beach on sunday.
i seriosuly cannot wait.
1st time to the beach this summer.


omgosh! West Virginia in August.
do you know how excited i am to get the fuck out of jersey.
yey.
and i'm visiting Alex.
best times ever.
August can not get here fast enough!



i wish i could enter a drawing to win a life supply of diet pepsi
now that would be awesome.
i'd love it.


and i have so many mosquito bites.
the mosquitos in NY fucked me up.
BeNd OvEr

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